This is NOT Jamaica

This muthafather looking like a cross between Wyclef and Sway(with the turban) gonna plop his ass in the seat in front of me on the bus. The dude didn't have an ipod, but apparently a full blown radio in his pocket and thought he was just gonna blast Bob Marley or Beanie Man or some ish and wasn't nobody gonna say nothing. In his mind he was thinking, "Who gonna check me boo"? While in my mind I was thinking, "OH HELL NAW". So instinctively I smacked my teeth real loud and let out a huge breath. He turned around and looked at me and I rolled my eyes at him. He turned around in his seat and turned that ish down (at least he recognized the Black woman's fed up look). But, what really made me give him the screw face was when an old White man sat down next to him, he immediately got up and moved to the back of the bus all the while mumbling "Man, you gonna sit down all close to me and shit".

Ok, WTF sir. It is a BUS, not a personal LIMO. People have the right to sit next to you. And YES there are other people on this bus and you CAN NOT blast your weed smoking music.

I swear, people are freaking crackheads.

Damn You Nosey

This entry comes courtesy of my friend Nicole. LMAO

So I'm on the bus crawling in traffic for a reason unknown. Turns out that there's an accident outside of the tunnel. Tell me why the bus drivers stops the bus at the accident scene (which is on the opposite side) so we all can look. WTH! We holdi...n' up taffic cause her nosey a$$ wants to see what's going on. SMH

Nosey ass bus driver.

This Ain't Your Bed Sir

This dude that looks like Edward Herrmann from Richie Rich (view here ) gets on the bus all types of extra and loud. And by extra I mean Raven Simone meets Bill O'Reilly extra. He's loudly talking with the bus driver then proceeds to sit his happy ass across the aisle from me. He flops down in his seat and leans his seat all the way back (I hate that ish) which prompts the lady behind him to say "excuse me someone is here". LMAO. He LOUDLY says,  "Oh I'm Sorry" and moves to the seat next to him. But, its what he does next that really baffles me. He lays his seat back, gets his newspaper out to read and crosses his legs. Lounging and what not. WTF? This is NOT First Class on a plane, this is NOT business class on a train and this is NOT Greyhound. He acting like we about to embark on some long ass journey somewhere. Sir, in 15 minutes we will reach our destination, it ain't even that serious to have your feet up and ish. Besides how can you get that comfortable on this dirty ass bus? Then he keeps groaning or barking or some ish all loud. And I've never heard someone turn the page on a newspaper so damn loud!!!! GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER SIR! (as crystal would say).  I can't.

Who Is Singing????

I swore I was hearing things, but I should've known better. I kept hearing this faint sound of someone singing OFF KEY. So, I put down my Life & Style magazine and begin to listen intently. No someone is not singing Broken-Hearted Girl by Beyonce all types of off-key. I mean like to the left, to the left off-key. WTF!!?? I'm in the very back of the bus so I'm trying to see who the hell is singing. I can't tell who the culprit is but I'm hoping on my way out I can get a glimpse.

My stop comes and by process of elimination I've already pinpointed who it was, some man with short brown hair. But, much to my surprise as I pass the person on my way out I see its none other than the crazy woman that lives in my building whom I've knicknamed "Speedy Lady". Why Speedy Lady? Because everytime I see her she is power walking in her work clothes to the bus or in the building or to her car. She is always in a rush, but I think its a "drug rush" not "regular rush". Like, I wouldn't be surprised if she was on coke, but I digress. Anywho, she gets off behind me and I'm the one that's power walking because:
a) I don't want to have to speak to her
b) I damn sure don't want to have to walk with her
c) I REALLY don't want to be stuck on the elevator with her (she lives on my floor mind you).

As I'm feverishly trying to get in the building and on the elevator before her, I see her stumbling around and singing some rock song (that was definitely classic rock) loudly in the streets. WOW WOW WOW, LMAO. She is tore down drunk. Luckily, I beat her to the elevator and did not have to deal with her foolishness, although I'd probably have more antics for my blog. SMH

Pimp In Distress

The other day I was on the subway and who was sitting across from me? A Pimp. Well, technically I don't think he was a real pimp, but he looked the part nonetheless. Let me describe him. Black male about 70 yrs old, blue leopard fur bucket hat(smh), navy blue pinstripe polyester sweater tight as all hell with matching navy tight as all hell polyester pants. And to finish off the outfit were some silver gators. WOW. I wanted to take a picture so bad, but he was staring at me and I was scared he'd grip me up and turn me into a hoe. Anyway, I need someone to get their grandpop.

Move Bitch

Walking through the bus terminal during rush hour in the big apple is like cattle being herded through the streets, or the running of the bulls on crack. Yes, people get in your way and you may sigh under your breath but its not that serious. I don't know how chick cut him off, but he wasn't having it. All I hear is him yelling "DAMNIT!!!!!!!, YOU SAW ME BITCH!!!!!!!". I turned around like daaaaaaaaaaaamn. See if he was talking to me like that I would currently be blogging from jail. My guess is he's a woman beater with a Napoleon complex. Ladies, be on the look out for a short, Caucasian male, bald, with glasses, in a suit. Stay away from this man!

In unrelated news, I was felt up by a bum in front of Subway. UGH.

I Need Your Hair to Match

As I'm hustlin' my way through the bus terminal there is a White lady walking in front of me. She has her hair pulled back in a ponytail. But this isn't any old ponytail its one of them clip on ponytails you get at Sally's. Now, I am no stranger to weave but this was a hot ass mess. How's your real hair brown but your ponytail is platinum blond? Word? You thought no one would notice that ish huh? WOW, miss, WOW.